The year 2013 was a year of self discovery for me. I can’t say for sure that I experienced a quarter life crisis but I believe that it was something close to it. In response to the internal turmoil and confusion, I deliberately decided to set out to do things that made me uncomfortable. With most every decision I have made made this year, I asked myself “what would you do if you weren’t afraid?” if there was an absence of fear, no big deal; I operated naturally. However, with every hesitation, I decided to face the apprehension and push through with the not-so-safe answer or decision. This has resulted in many positive life changes:
• I locked my hair,
• embarked on a few business ventures that I would have said no to,
•I even strengthened my relationship with my husband
These are just a few results of making the choice to live in the gap of discomfort. The most important change that resulted from this was the decision to accept ADHD as a part of me. Acknowledging the struggles and pitfalls due to the symptoms of my condition has been difficult. I’ve had to restructure my way of life to honor my decision. Having to admit to myself and others that undiagnosed ADHD has robbed me of time, money and the health of many relationships, has been a life altering challenge. Now because of this, I able to see a future of greatness that would have never been possible for me in my past state of denial and cover-up. I unearthed major issues; sought out the help and support I long feared was unavailable or would make me vulnerable to others’ scrutiny and judgment. I have grown so much this year. I plan to continue on this path of discomfort.
If you are thinking that this is something you would like to try out for yourself, I would love to reciprocate support and encouragement. Please hit me up, follow me on twitter, Facebook and all those other hot spots. Don’t forget to subscribe to my emailing list so we can travel this road together.
This Years Twisted Resolution
This coming year, I am going a few steps further. Now that I know what I know about myself and I am actively choosing to venture out into the world with a fresh perspective, I have chosen a new and unconventional approach to my 2014 new years resolution.
This year I am NOT SETTING GOALS!
Nope! Not one. Well not in the traditional sense anyway. Accepting my ADHD gives me a better understanding of why my past new years resolutions gave me more grief than self-fulfillment. I can now practice what I have been preaching to consumers, friends and advice seeking colleagues about goal setting and success because now I have a clearer picture of what I am made of.
See Past Goal Setting
Most people come up with a list of goals they want to achieve as benchmarks for new years resolutions. However, 25% abandon these goals a week into the new year; 46% after a month. 64% abandon their list after 6 months; which sets the stage to do it all over again 6 months later often times embarking on those same unresolved goals as last year. I am challenging myself to abandon this waste of my time. Each year, I end up focusing on a bunch of failed attempts at success and simply promise to try it again the next year. Acknowledging the unique challenges I face because of my ADHD symptoms, allows me to push myself further this year. I will not be setting goals, I will be setting up systems. This is a method that I have proposed to so many. the saying goes:
“a therapist’s worst patient is herself.”
They also say better late than never, so I am finally committing to the method for myself in 2014.
Systems vs. Goals
I am not suggesting that “goal setting” is a bad idea. You should have a set of aspirations that you hope to reach over some time. However, I do have some issues with the traditional method of setting goals :
1. Too Big!
“live debt free in 2009”
Looking back on this and other goals like this one, I remember improving in the area I wished to resolve in my life, but I also remember feelings of stress and anxiety more than the feelings of accomplishment and positive personal growth. I was intimidated by the task and lost motivation because I felt the goal was too complicated for me and would take a boost
of consistent energy that I wouldn’t be able to commit to. I lost steam before could accomplish any real traction. Failure.
2. Too Many Steps
I would take on a goal like the one stated above, and would break it up into smaller steps like most self-help resources suggest, but my ADHD brain still fell short in completing the goal because I didn’t account for all of the details that would trip me up; like endurance to push past the minutia of collecting the details of my debt situation for example. Even with the progress that I’d made, I would lose the drive or simply get caught up with everyday routines and forget to follow up.
3.Too Much Pressure
Let’s continue using the ” debt free” new year’s resolution example. I believe that because of the pressure to complete my New Year’s goals before I lost interest, I missed out on time and opportunity to address my issues with money and finance that landed me in the situation. So what the hell did I waste my year doing?! In comes feelings of guilt and shame.
Planning to succeed by using Systems is a more ADHD friendly way of accomplishing a year of fulfillment. The method gives me more if a chance to see my aspirations through to the end, and there is less likelihood that I will be toasting to a redo on 1/1/2015.
“if we would focus more on finding favor in God, than on finding favor in people our lives would be way more fulfilling”
Don’t Sell Yourself Short This Year
I feel we should go through life feeling good in all that we do. Not because bad things shouldn’t happen to us, or because we should always do the things that please us (I will admit I was in that space prior to this year and I am grateful for the choice I made in the beginning of 2013 because it changed my mind). I feel that everything that we do should be a piece of the puzzle to living our best life. Each decision we make whether it be painful or pleasant should help us fulfill those aspirations that we have in our hearts (and written some place safe after today). This should give us joy that surpasses happiness. A strive to build something bigger and better is never easy. But with
- the will to make some hard changes and
- the passion to grow,
we can surpass the negative feelings that hinder our progress and hold us back from pushing the envelope on just how dynamic our minds, and essentially our lives can be!
Don’t I talk a Good Game?
If the traditional way of making new year’s resolutions have been working for you, then by all means keep at it. This has worked for others. I’ve watched many success stories be written on the strength of the systems they set up to attain their dreams. This time, as I embark on this new year with all of the success I have obtained, I step into 2014 finally admitting to myself that I did take the easy route through life. So what now? I’m taking my own advise and reaching to be my best self in no comparison to you or anyone else. Now how’s that for a new years resolution?
I will strive in all things to do my best and see to it that I put the systems in place this year to achieve.
Seeing things through to their completion has always been my downfall on my personal journeys. Therefore I would love to partner with you so we can help each other get through the process.
You can participate in 3 ways:
1. Keep reading the blog-I will be documenting my push it process from now until January 1, 2015
2. Subscribe to my email list on the form below and receive more in depth details on my systems, tools, worksheets and how-to’s from me to you over the course of the year- flaws and all!
3. Join the savvy sista circle network for FREE and not only will you get the info described in #2, You will receive off-line personal assistance on setting and achieving your goals this year along invitations to exclusive webinars, workshops and networking opportunities to offer additional support needed to see your aspirations through.
If you’re like me, you are jumping on option 3! And in that case I can’t wait for us to work together.
I will love you anyway if option 2 or none of the above interest you. At the very least, keep reading! Social accountability is key to this plan, so help a sista out!
Happy New Year, and Happy New You!